


Morgan

by Andyoudidthisforwhat



Category: Criminal Minds (US TV)
Genre: Angst, Based on a Conan Gray Song, F/M, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Insecure Spencer Reid, Jealous Spencer Reid, Low Self Esteem, Morgan flirting and just being Morgan, Pining, Reader likes him just as much, Reid doesn’t realize how great he is, Reid has a crush, Reid has self esteem issues, Sad Spencer Reid, Self Esteem Issues, Self Insert, Song fic, Song: Heather (Conan Gray), Spencer Reid Whump, Spencer Reid in love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-14
Updated: 2020-08-14
Packaged: 2021-03-05 19:21:09
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,481
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25890511
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Andyoudidthisforwhat/pseuds/Andyoudidthisforwhat
Summary: Reid loves her but Morgan seems to have her mesmerized.
Relationships: Spencer Reid/Original Female Character(s), Spencer Reid/Reader
Comments: 2
Kudos: 137





	Morgan

**Author's Note:**

> Okay so I’ve never wrote anything like this before, it’s way out of my comfort zone and completely new to me so please be nice. Inspired by the song ‘Heather’ by Conan Gray aka one of my fave songs, but there’s a little bit of a twist. I don’t know how I feel about this but I just hope you guys like it! 
> 
> Key: y/h/l - your hair length  
> y/h/c - your hair color  
> y/e/c - your eye color

Spencer Reid was typically never one to care about pursuing a relationship, nor flirting, nor about “love” in general. He was usually too busy with his head stuck in a book to notice most women anyways. (Well, that and he’s not too great at interacting with them.) That had completely changed in the past year though because he was now head over heels for the newest agent of the BAU, Y/N. In the year, one month, three days, and forty six minutes that’d she’d been working there, he’d somehow managed to become her best friend despite his awkwardness and shy demeanor. For him, her place as his best friend, quickly changed to his secret crush. He felt quite silly about it sometimes, like an elementary school kid almost.

She was the one person in the whole world who understood him, the one who accepted all of his oddities without any judgement. She never got annoyed with him for his ramblings, matter of fact she told him she  enjoys listening to him. Which is certainly a first. Spencer was always so relaxed around her (something untypical for him). He loved spending time with her, it always brought pure joy and fun into his day. He cherished every second they spent together. From the nights she’d come over and watch Doctor Who with him, to the days she’d accompany him to a cosplay convention, to the nights at bars she’d bring him along to and somehow manage to make enjoyable. She brightened every room she walked into and her smile made his heart do summersaults. The way she could easily transition from being bubbly and silly to serious and insightful. Not to mention her kindness and intelligence. In Reid’s eyes, Y/N was the most perfect thing on this planet. Oh how he loved her. Even though he knows realistically soulmates are completely nonsensical, conceptually he believed she was his.

He found himself setting in his desk chair at work, lost in deep thought about her. That was until she finally arrived, anyways. Her y/h/l, y/h/c hair in perfect curls bouncing as she gleefully walked in the room, ready to start the day. She flashed a smile and quick “morning” to him and he happily returned it. Reid was waiting for her to have a seat her desk before he started a conversation with her, but instead she stopped to speak with Morgan.

“Good morning, pretty girl. How’d I get lucky enough to see someone so gorgeous so early in the day?” Morgan said with a playful smile.

“The same way I got lucky enough to see someone so sexy, I guess.” Y/N joked back with a wink.

There was one thing that hasn’t yet been mentioned. Y/N is also particularly close with Morgan, matter of fact, he’s her other best friend. Since they were all so close, they were like a little trio. Morgan and Y/N constantly flirt as a joke, much like he does with Garcia. It started because Y/N was teasing Morgan about how he tried to get with her on her first day and it’s continued since. It’s an everyday event that Spencer has to watch and it doesn’t always seem like a “joke”.He knows he shouldn’t be like that, Morgan has been his best friend for years. It’s not fair for him to get jealous and angry with him over something so trivial, but deep down it stings anyways. Here he’s is so desperately in love with her, yet Morgan is the one seeming to catch her eye. Reid did cherish the fact that they kissed once. It was a drunken dare on a night out with the team. Merely just a silly peck on the lips, but Reid sometimes likes to imagine it was more.

“How was your weekend?” Spencer asked her shyly, as she took her seat in the desk across from him. Spencer typically was more confident than that when speaking to her but what he just witnessed made him feel a little bit unsure of himself.

“Oh my god, it was great! I haven’t seen my girls in so long since we’re out of town so often but I finally got to catch up with them. How was yours?” Y/N said happily.

Spencer tucked his hair behind his ear as he spoke. “Um..I-It was good. I um..I read two new books...” He smiled softly.

“Pretty boy, you’re idea of a good weekend is sad. You wanna know what I did? I went to a couple bars, got a little tipsy, and took home not one, but two pretty women. Of course they weren’t as pretty as Y/N.” Morgan interjected, once again with that banter that Reid hated so much. On top of that, hearing how much more exciting his life is made Reid feel a bit self conscious.

Y/N just rolled her eyes, “I’m so jealous they got a night with  _the_ _Derek Morgan_ before I did.” She said in a tone of mockery.

“I bet, but you can still get one.” He laughed. “I’m gonna make some coffee, do you guys want a cup?” He questioned and they both said yes.As he walked to the other side of the room, Y/N’s eyes followed him, which Spencer noticed.

_ Great. He’s got you memorized.  _ He thought to himself while letting out a sigh.  _ Of course he would. Look at him he’s perfect. How could you ever like someone like me when you could have Morgan. _

Reid tried shake those thoughts, those bad feelings away. Morgan was like his brother, he shouldn’t hold any resentment towards him. Especially since he doesn’t know Reid likes her. It’s not like Derek is intentionally doing this to provoke him. That’s what Reid has to keep reminding himself of. With that he decided to start focusing on his work.  


The flirty, playful banter continued for hours. Despite his best efforts to block it out, Reid couldn’t help but over hear and after so long, let it get to him. Y/N chatted with Reid equally as much, but it just wasn’t in the same way. He didn’t get the compliments and sexual suggestions that she gave Morgan. Not that he wanted sexual suggestions but he definitely didn’t want to hear her say them to another guy. He needed a quick break, just to clear his head. 

* * *

He found himself getting that “break”, in the bathroom. He paced as he took a couple deep breathes and put his hands over his head, trying to expel all the irrational and unpleasant feelings from his mind. He stopped in front of the mirror and examined himself.

_ Look at you. You’re hideous, repulsive. You’re so thin that you look sickly. Not to mention how strange you are, how annoying. Why would she ever want you? _

His big brown eyes started watering as the self loathing thoughts took over his brain. His hands gripped the edge of the sink tightly as he continued to stare at himself. Reid looked like a sad puppy. If he was being honest with himself, the reason he’s never come forward about his feeling is because he feels unworthy. He could never be good enough for anyone much less her. He truly believed she wouldn’t reciprocate his feelings, he’d just be rejected once again. She’d turn him away just like everyone does.

_ Why can’t you look like Morgan? He’s one of the best looking men you’ve seen. He has abs and is purely attractive in every way. You’re not even half as good looking as him, you’llnever be. Every girl wants him. No girl has wanted you before so why would Y/N? You’ll always be unattractive and unwanted. _

He closed his eyes and a single tear slowly fell down his cheek. His hands started to shake ever so slightly as he sniffled a bit. He took another deep breath to once again, try to calm himself.

_ I wish I were Morgan. _

Spencer was still feeling down but he knew he couldn’t just spend all day in the bathroom. He had to go back eventually, so why not just go ahead and go now. He wiped the slight wetness from his cheeks and collected himself. 

* * *

As soon as he returned to the bullpen, Y/N was waiting eagerly to ask him something. He admired the way her pretty y/e/c eyes light up when she saw him, not only because it made him feel good but because of how beautiful they were.

“Spence, Morgan and I are going out to eat right after work this afternoon and you’ve gotta come with us. I don’t what I’ll do if my bestie doesn’t tag along.” Y/N faked a pout and Spencer couldn’t help but giggle. After the consistent self doubt he’s endured today, this was certainly making him feel better. “Will you please go with us?”

Of course he told her yes, even though he was afraid of the jealousy that might arise, considering the persisting issue he’s had with it today. He could never pass up an opportunity to spend time with her. Even if that meant he had to share that time with someone else. Even if that someone was a handsome Adonis that’s all over her. He could do it, he could suck it up and not be so childish. They are his best friends after all.

* * *

They sat at a table for three in a restaurant downtown. The three had been conversing, laughing, and purely enjoying themselves. Even Spencer, who had been particularly irritated with the two earlier in the day. There were a few frisky jokes here and there between his company but he managed to brush them off and pay no attention.

“Dear god, it’s freezing in here.” Y/N said with a grimace. She began to hug herself a bit to warm up her arms, considering she was wearing short sleeves.

Morgan slipped off his leather jacket and placed it over her shoulders. She gave him a grateful smile while slipping her arms through the sleeves. What they didn’t know is that just ripped poor Reid’s heart out. Despite the feelings of hurt trying to overwhelm him, he shoved them down. He could sulk over it later, but not right now. He’s not going to be a crybaby in front of them, he refused to.

“Wow, I must be the luckiest girl in the world if I get to wear Derek Morgan’s jacket..” Y/N joked but could barely keep a straight face. Reid didn’t notice her tone or facial expressions though, he only took in the words. 

They kept on repeating in his head and he zoned out from everything going on around him. He felt a flash of pain go through his chest. That’s when he decided he couldn’t take anymore tonight. Screw the whole idea of “sucking it up”, he couldn’t. Without a word he put some money from his pocket on the table, picked up his satchel and began to walk out of the restaurant. Which left his friends confused and even more so concerned.

As he pushed through the door he heard a voice calling his name. Reid chose to just ignore it until he felt hand touch his shoulder. His body immediately tensed from the touch and he realized whoever was calling for him caught up.

“Spence, what’s wrong? Why did you walk out like that?” It was Y/N, when he realized that he untensed. Her voice was soft and gentle but yet full of concern. He turned his face around to find her big y/e/c eyes staring worriedly in to his. For a moment, he enjoyed it, she looked so beautiful and he was starting to take in the moment till he remembered how much she’s hurt him.

“Well have you ever considered that maybe I don’t want to third wheel you and Morgan?” He shouted as he pulled away from her touch.

“Spence, what are you talking about?”

“Stop calling me that.” He said in a hateful tone that she’d never heard him use. “I’m talking about forcing me to watch you and Morgan be all over each other. If you really like him that much, fine but don’t invite me out with you guys.”

“I’m sorry, I’m absolutely lost. I have no idea what you’re talking about Reid.” Y/N was taken back by his sudden anger towards her and Morgan. She was even more taken back by his implication that she liked Morgan.

“Don’t play stupid, all you two do is flirt with each other. You know, why did you ever kiss me? Cause it’s funny to kiss the weird guy that no one likes, right? Why do you even hang out with me? You like him better. Despite what everyone thinks, I’m not some robot, I have feelings. It hurts that you don’t love me the way I love you.” Spencer’s eyes started watering after he finish his rant.

Y/N finally understood. It made her heart hurt to see his frown and the pain in his eyes. She looked at him sympathetically and then gave him a smile.

“Reid...”

“What?” He mumbled with out making eye contact. She walked towards him and cupped his face with her hand and lifted it to meet her eyes.

“You’re completely wrong.” Y/N laughed. “I don’t like Morgan, not in the slightest bit, we just joke. You wanna know what I talk to Morgan about when you’re not around? You. Because I like you, I really really do. Yes, I kissed you as a dare but I was excited to because I love you too. I have for a long time, I just never knew you felt the same.” She admitted with her voice full of compassion. She pulled the y’all man in for a hug and could feel the way his body relaxed in her arms.

”You do?” Reid said softly with a hint of disbelief in his voice.

”Yeah, I really do.” Y/N hugged him tighter as the words left his lips.

“I’m sorry for jumping to conclusions...about you and Morgan...” he whispered.

“It’s okay.”

Reid found himself with the biggest smile plastered across his face and butterflies in his stomach. The little confession she just gave were the best words he’d ever heard. Something came over him, he suddenly had a rush of confidence and decided to pull away from the hug. He grabbed her face carefully and leaned down to kiss her. A real kiss, not some stupid peck but one with passion and love. It was now one of the best moments of his life. Now he was damn glad Morgan gave her that stupid jacket, because if it wasn’t for that this wouldn’t have happened. 

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you guys liked it!! Feed back is important to me so please leave a comment, it’s always appreciated!!


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